Flamedance||Mistclan||Warrior (WIP)

[Farenvel]

{Tell me about yourself}

NAME: Flamedance
AGE: twenty-four moons (two years)
GENDER: Male
CLAN: Mistclan
RANK: Warrior
SHORT DESCRIPTION: Ginger tabby tom with green eyes

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{Fill in the blanks}

LOOKS IN DETAIL: Flamedance is a very handsome young tom with male body features such as a strong face and muscular build. His light flame like eyes are golden green and generally tend to hold a hard and serious stare.
PERSONALITY:
FAMILY MEMBERS:
HISTORY:(optional)
RP SAMPLE:(needed only for first bio)

[/blockquote]

{Behind the canvas}

SITE NAME:(optional)
HOW DID YOU FIND US?:
OTHER CHARACTERS:
RP EXPERIENCE?:

Read more: xunbreakablex.proboards.com/index.cgi?board=create&action=display&thread=6#ixzz1Jj0jDFpi

[Bear]

Well, I tried it and got through the whole excerpt, but I'm afraid this is not a book I'm going to buy.

My Warriors terminology got me a bit mixed up with the 'sharpclaws', which at first made think the story way more interesting because I thought Lucky was fighting mountain lions, but they were regular cats. This probably won't be a problem for Non-Warriors readers though.
There was a lot of terminology on that excerpt. It took me a second to kind of catch on, but I also didn't like some of the words that they used XD There was a lot of unnecessary capitalization as well when Lucky referred to other dogs, names and terms (and the combination of all that is what really tripped me up).
To put it blankly, the plot is bland. The story is pretty slow moving and although the first few chapters would probably be interesting, if the next 15 or so chapters are written the same way as the excerpt, I don't think I could make it past Chapter 7. It really needs to flow a bit more and have more action instead of being 2 paragraphs of minor details and a few sentences of action. The reader also doesn't get into Lucky's head a lot to find out what he's thinking, so it's hard to connect to him.
Details. There was a major lack of sensory words, mostly smell and visual about the surroundings.

What I really don't understand is why there are high school level words seemingly thrown at random in some of the paragraphs. The story line is too simplistic for a high schooler, so I don't know what audience the writers are targeting here.

Now for the big question: Because the Survivors series is being under the pseudonym Erin Hunter (which, by the way HC, Warriors and Seekers fans do not approve), does this mean we'll be sharing the forums with the Survivors fans as well?
The forums can barely support the amount of Seekers and Warriors fans as it is.